www.heyray129.com
Just in case any of you missed the memo, the Hey Ray blog has now moved to a new home!! Go check it out, I have spent a lot of time on it so I hope you like it...
www.heyray129.com
0 Comments
Just when I didn't think that things could get much worse, they inevitably did. As one of the people I really relied on is no longer there for me I started to panic a lot. It's a feeling that I would compare to abandonment. That might sound massively overdramatic but I don't know how else to express my feelings. Now I am not admitting this to all of you for attention, as that is not something that I am wanting. I say this as a way of explaining why I have been particularly negative lately. It is exceptionally hard to let go of something that you clung to. However, this has taught me so very much about myself and that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. No one deserves to be made to feel less than you are and it's time I stood up for myself. Now whilst I have been struggling with all of this I cannot begin to tell you how you have all helped me. For some reason, I have received many messages from some of my readers. Whilst some people have let me down so much, you all have helped me. Many of you I have never met, and it is you that I am now relying on. Your words are so kind, and I am so happy that you feel you can trust me and have an open conversation with me. Everyone of you have such an amazing amount of worth to me, even if you don't think you do, I'm telling you that you are important to me. You are all inspirational, and I thank you for helping me. "I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say" Unfortunately everyone faces some horrible times in their lives and have to make some decisions that they never wanted to make. From what I've learnt, all I can say is don't draw it out for longer than it needs. It is so easy to love memories and cling on to them. But ultimately when you aren't happy, the world is a very dark and sad place. We need to surround ourselves with people who will make things a lot better. Some decisions are meant to challenge you, it shows your personal limits and what is important to you. When what is important to you is no longer important to someone else then you need to review it all. I have recently been given more than enough time to reflect on a lot of things. These last few weeks have been absolute hell for me and I believe that I don't deserve to feel like this anymore. 2015 is a new year, and this is the year I am going to get better. I promise that to every single one of you reading this. No matter what it takes, no matter how selfish I have to be, I will get better. No one is going to hold me back anymore, I need to find the strength within me a realise certain things aren't worth the pain anymore. Hello to one and all. It has been far, far too long since I last wrote on here. I hope you can forgive me as this period is exceptionally busy for everyone. I wish you all a very happy Christmas and hope that you all have a prosperous new year. I have had a wonderful Christmas surrounded by my family. One of the many amazing presents that I received this year was a brand spanking new camera. This means that my youtube channel will be getting many new and better quality updates. I am very excited to use it for that purpose. Everyone was exceptionally generous, and as expected I have eaten far too much but regret absolutely nothing. This is the time of excess and I am happily obliging to that. There are just so many yummy things around to scoff on at this time of year. I am an absolute sucker for chocolate oranges and I always get a couple for Christmas, which I have since demolished. And then there is the matter of Christmas lunch - is it just me or is that meal just the absolute best meal of the entire year? Needless to say, I am a huge Christmas lover. Unfortunately, despite having an incredible Christmas, my depression has for some reason been increasingly hard to handle. I am new medication (again) that is making me forever exhausted. Sadly, I have been crying myself to sleep as I do not let my mood show, especially during such a happy time. However, today I have just let it all out. I haven't left the house and I've had a few naps. It is so so frustrating I can't even begin to explain. I have absolutely nothing to be down about and yet that is the only emotion that I am feeling as of late. I am also worrying and dreading going back to university, I get a lot worse when I am there. I will just have to grin and bare it. On a plus, however, I am having less anxiety attacks at the moment so I think that my new meds might be helping with that finally. It seems to me that all the medications that I have tried either helps with my depression or my anxiety, but never both at the same time, which is beyond annoying. But there you go, hopefully it will all sort itself out. I am going to try finish on a positive as I don't want people going away from this post feeling negative. I have planned out my evening in such a way that I hope will pull me out of this little ditch that I am in. It begins with a cocktail, which I am currently half way through, then tea, and then a long and relaxing lush bath. Hopefully by calming myself down by having a bath I will get a good nights sleep and that will hopefully boost my mood. I hope to be in touch again very shortly. I really looking forward to adding to my youtube channel, so watch this space. I have made it absolutely no secret that I find writing hugely therapeutic - it is my way of getting everything out of my overcrowded mind. It is my release. And yet when I tell people that I am back to writing again, they automatically feel happy for me, do you know me at all? Me writing in my diary or on lined paper means one very obvious thing - I need help, and it isn't my family who aren't supporting me because they really are. It seems to me that the second that I believe that I can go back to fully trusting and relying on someone, they categorically prove me wrong and I go right back to being hurt. What's worse is that they seem to have no idea or if they do they simply do not care - how am I meant to rely on you when you never rely on me but you feel no guilt in doing the things you know hurt me. I am the one who is left feeling unbelievably stupid and insignificant. How can anyone have the power to make a person feel so incredibly small and crumble your new found confidence? All that I can say is that it is not my fault, it is not my mistake, and if a person ever makes you feel like this, they do not truly care about you. I need to learn that waiting for what I know is within a person is disappointing and ultimately will hurt and ruin you. I truly believed that I could trust them this time. You lied.
So I have another favour to ask of you.. I would love you to check out my new youtube channel, I will be uploading a video every day for a week, I have so many exciting ideas. One of sisters will be featuring and planning a couple of hauls. The first video I've posted is very short and I just need peoples support now more than ever. Here is the like.. Keep checking!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fbe_Rk9sc8I&list=UUDI8r6xfuHSwAz14MNixy1w Twelve days until Christmas!! I am so very excited. Aside from the actual day itself, in the run up to Christmas I have a bizarre love of wrapping presents. I don't know why I love doing this so much but it makes me far too excited. This isn't exactly the worst thing to love, especially as I have a large-ish family and so I am employed each year to aid the wrapping, and I am happy that this happens. I arrived home from uni yesterday afternoon and already one of our three Christmas trees are up, and slowly more and more of our decorations are starting to emerge. This time of year is definitely my favourite time.
As many of you, if not all of you, know I have launched a facebook page in the hope of attracting more attention. I am going to be completely honest with you, as I always am. The reason for me doing this is because I am seriously considering starting a youtube channel and so I wanted to see how much support that I have. It is fair to say that I have been shocked at the amazing response I have had from all of you. I have had over 150 likes on my page in two days!! It is absolutely incredible and there is no way that I can thank you all enough. I know I keep saying this, but please don't let it stop here. If you like my blog and enjoy reading it please tell someone else about it. I would love to reach as many people as possible, and trust me it works. For example a lot of people who have liked my facebook page are from overseas and I have no mutual friends with. I love that!! You never know who might eventually read it and what will come of this. I adore writing and having the voice that you have all given me and I am so determined to make this work, but I can only do it with your support (sorry, that was mega cheesy - but it is true!!) Thank you so, so, so much. Hello to all of my amazing readers. It is because of each of you that I have decided to take blogging a lot more seriously by putting more time and effort into it. For this reason I have created a Facebook page completely dedicated to Hey Ray. All of your support has been unreal, I have reached nearly 7000 people! 7000!! That is absolutely crazy and I am so proud of everyone who reads it. I couldn't have dreamed that any of this would have gone as well as it has done so far and I am beyond happy that I have reached this. Due to your amazing response I have decided on trying a few different and exciting ways to make my blog more appealing to more people. If anyone has anything that they want me to address, I will be more than happy to attempt to do that. Either comment on one of my posts on here, email me, or visit my swanky new Facebook page. All the details are in my Contact section in the top bar of my blog. I will never be able to thank you all enough, this has made me extremely happy and it has made me realise how lucky I truly am.
Go check out my page. https://www.facebook.com/HeyRay129 I hope that this post will be useful to anyone that reads it. As everyone knows, as people we are inevitably going to go through some hard times when we just do not feel right. These times are scary and isolating, and you have no idea how you are ever going to feel better. The more I have been thinking about it the more I have realised that we have to be able to combat these feelings in some way. For this reason I am going to comprise a list of suggestions to do when things are just not going the way you want to and you feel a bit lost. I hope this helps and isn't seen in any way as patronising, these are just the things I need to remind myself to do.
1. Talk to somebody. Let them know what is happening in your head, even if they cannot help you getting things out in the open really does help. Find someone you know loves you and will make time for you the same way that you would for them if it was the other way around. 2. Force yourself to go outside. Even if it is for only five minutes, getting out of the environment in which you feel down or upset in always helps. Go for a walk around your garden, your street, or just simple sit outside, it helps me at least to gain some perspective and gets rid of some of your energy. 3. Do something you enjoy. For me this is doing something creative. I personally find that this helps me because I like being able to see the transformation in something and knowing that I did that. Obviously not everyone will enjoy doing something like that, but you could do some baking, some reading, go for a drive, surf the internet, etc. 4. Look through pictures. I have made myself an album of some of my favourite photos and quotes. When I am down I tend to look through them all. Although this may not make everything better it will remind you of a time when you were feeling amazing and you can see that through these pictures. It should also serve as a reminder that things will go back to the way they were within these photos. 5. Find comfort in something. This may sound really stupid, but if you have an object or something/someone that you know makes you feel better then find comfort within that. Again, in my person experience I have a few of these things, I find my pets really helpful, which I know sounds a bit stupid, but just having them to stroke is very calming. When I am not around the animals, I will find something else that I find comforting. For example, a teddy bear or something as trivial as that I find always helps. I hope this helps someone a little bit. Always, always remember that things will get better, just give it time. |